Review: Avengers Age of Ultron

SPOILERS Follow so please just know this ahead of time.

So before you read what I have to say about this review just remember these are my own thoughts. But also remember these are also thoughts that many others, specifically speaking in the movie creation business, also have voiced and that should mean something.

Also if you are a marvel fanboy there is nothing I can say that will most likely change your mind so in all respects simply take it as it is and know that unless you can approach this piece with a mind in which Marvel can and has done wrong then you will scoff and laugh.

Without further ado here is my review of Marvel’s Avengers: Age of Ultron

So I was able to watch this movie recently with several other friends and I gotta hand it to Marvel. If there is anyone in the world who knows how to take something that is very estranged and also as weird as comics and break it down and put it into bite sized chew-able morsels of goodness it’s Marvel. From the beginning of the movie till the very end it had all the goods that you would expect from a Marvel movie. Brisk fighting, dialogue that was witty and at the same time illogical but funny, lots and lots of destruction, poor character development, ex machina moments that magically happened, worthless characters dying, and of course last but not least the super heroes saving people and helping others even though in reality it was a completely stupid idea when the ramifications were put into case.

See lets put Captain America’s logic to the test at the end there in an equation of sorts. Save the lives of everyone aboard the floating Rock and have the world perish or should we just forget everyone on the floating Rock and instead save the some 6 billion people that would die if this rock managed to hit the earth? Gee that seems like a difficult one to answer cap. Call me brutal … call me heartless but that seems like a fairly easy choice in this case. It’s similar to how Batman never kills his enemies because he’s “better than them” and yet he always in the comics lets joke live and captures him and sends him back to Arkham only for the Joke to escape again and kill people.

It makes you wonder really are your morals or ideals so strong that you MUST do this even though hundreds of thousands of people might die or are they actually incredibly weak because they don’t realize the fault in the problem. Yes this is the logic that this movie beholds to and Avengers by all standards is a GOOD movie … if we are comparing it to the transformers series.

I mean I love the fact that Ultron, even though he was in control of literally everyone’s money, didn’t attempt to cause destruction by simply screwing with the price of oil or the stocks and causing a worldwide financial meltdown. That would have made it impossible for the Avengers to do literally anything after all he could skyrocket the cost of fuel making they’re jets implausible or the skycarrier impossible to use. Or he could have built hundreds of thousands of tiny nano bots that would simply approach each avenger in his sleep and kill them by eating they’re brains or just killing them.

That’s the level of AI super computer the Avengers were supposed to be fighting against. But once again not only are the villains motives a muddled mess in the Marvel movies except for a few (Thor, Captain America, Captain America Winter Soldier, Iron Man) they completely neglect the fact that a computer super AI that powerful would literally wipe the Avengers from face of the earth … LITERALLY. Yet, somehow everything clicks together for just one moment like this so we can have a happy ending and watch the avengers save all the people and in the last moments pull together some ex machina magic to make everything just click. Aren’t movies the best right guys.

Not only was Ultron incredibly misused but we was so deeply “nerfed” in a sense. I never felt any fear for the man at all during the entire movie. Maybe it was the quick witty but terribly cheesy Robert Downey Jr. esque lines from him (to his credit he does make him) or maybe it was the fact that he literally himself NEVER did anything to severely hamper any of the avengers. In fact the only damage he ever did was in killing Quicksilver which by all means lets discuss.

So I don’t know if any of you have seen X-Men days of future past  but that version is the real quicksilver. A quicksilver moving so fast, like he should be, that he can literally dodge bullets by walking and also move them which is a crucial point. But in this movie the quicksilver was apparently so slow that he could be hit by bullets which was ridiculous considering that he was VERY fast. Now about him dying though which is just another ridiculous fact. He’s so fast he could have went to the quickie mart grabbed a soda walked back to the scene pulled Hawkeye out of the way with the boy and then picked up a steak at the walmart and had a barbeque before the bullets even left Ultron’s gun. Yet, somehow the fasted man in the world gets hit with a bullet. Really? Come on Marvel, were not idiots.

Here’s the real quicksilver:

But a the end of the day the reason why I have heavily disliked the Marvel movies and even the Avengers movies as a whole is that they are a outdrawing of the system of entertainment for money. Don’t get me wrong money is great and its a wonderful tool and it can drive people to make great things. But it’s still a tool it’s not the ultimate goal and in this movie we see all that it offers but also all that it lacks such as storytelling, character development, and visual artistry and grace of action.

At no point in avengers did we ever feel remotely a close sense of attachment or struggle or heightened sense of trouble. It was the same crap literally we got with the last avengers. Just change out Ultron, heck keep the robots, change the crystal and we have literally the last avengers re-positioned to some place in Russia.

What makes it even more sad is how many people don’t see how suckeded out of they’re money they’ve been. The action was so fast that it never gave a chance for delicacy. There was no grace to the action or even grittiness or anything for which to like about it but rather just smashing and similar foreplay and layout as we’d seen before.  They have the problem of reproducing the same thing even though the first time it might have been good but in nearly the exact same way. It’s the reason why Call of Duty is on the ropes as a franchise after never updating anything from it’s story to it’s visuals engine after nearly 7 or more games … SEVEN! And they are producing more which are exactly the same which is just ridiculous.

But even more so than that the thing that lets me down the most is the loss of potential. You can’t take anything in most of the Marvel movies seriously because everything from the continuous jokes, logic, brisk action, and lack of real character development or artistic eye for shots fights against any moments being heartfelt. Not to mention the continuous use of TV styled close ups and cuts which Joss Whedon is known for but as a whole cut down on the intensity he needs to develop dialogue well. Part of me feels as though the whole movie was one gigantic shoehorn and in a large part it is. They don’t care about what happens with Thor as long as it gets you interested in the next movie. Cap can be irrational because he’s dying in the next movie he’s in with Captain America: Civil Wars so it’s cool since his contract is up right?

Gosh this movie was horribleness redeemed through sheer amount of CGI special effects and some decent acting and dialogue. But at the end I can’t even remember the main theme for the music or any really memorable lines that were worth keeping. In fact my favorite part of the whole movie was seeing Vision born and the end with the fresh faces not only because the pace decided to slow for a moment but also because that means something finally that is new will be introduced. Hopefully that will change the look and feel of the movies they make and give them a serious edge worth caring about instead of shoehorning in a love relationship almost no one saw coming (HULK and Blackwidow).

But they’re summer blockbusters right and summer blockbusters can’t be taken too seriously right? Except we don’t have to with so many other movies out that are far superior in so many levels. Take Mad Max: Fury Road for example which is proof you can have great action with mostly practical effects and yet still have a movie which smashes across all levels literally and figuratively.

However, my biggest fear isn’t what is going happen now but what will happen in the future. No doubt super hero movies and action movies will continue to dominate at the box office after all the numbers just don’t lie on that but that won’t be the case forever. At some point people are gonna get sick and they will just one day stop and then we will see another dark ages of comics happen once more. People forget that during the 80’s comics came to nearly a standstill until the emergence of the graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller.

Numbers had been dwindling in readership, popularity, and sales for some time since the 70’s and many predicted the death by the 90’s as very possible. Why was this? For the same reasons that what Marvel is doing now will result in. What did they do? Well they produced the same crap for years and years without any real changes continually using low levels of logic to progress stories meanwhile not updating visuals very much or even updating story lines or tropes in any way. Sound familiar?

And yes people can get burned out just take for example the slew of remakes of Old Classical era tales from the Greco-Roman world such as Troy, 300, Gladiator, and Alexander. Where is that genre now? Nearly gone in the same way westerns dominated for years and yet 2 years ago Lone Ranger made it’s attempt at the game and couldn’t even scratch the surface of the box office porthole. This same movie which by all means was the best movie of the year according to Quentin Tarantino who is quite a substantial film maker and director.

Its such a joke that they’ve created a niche market that will implode because one needs only look at Birdman to realize just how stupid they’re plots are. The jokes abound in that movie about how Riggin could simply produce anything and it would make billions as long as it had “Birdman” attached to the movie. And in many ways we’re the same way. Change the names or the people and the characters and it wouldn’t even hold a flame up to anything in the market. But because it’s Marvel of course we must see it.

Please don’t give these people any more of your money it’s just not worth it to see the same crap over and over in retold ways that have no impact and in no way say anything substantially meaningful to movies or in our lives. Don’t do it … just don’t.

Score: 5/10

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